I believe I've solved profanity.
At least, I've discovered a formula for inventing nonce-fuckyous that keeps me entertained while yelling at New jersey drivers, and prevents my repertoire from getting stale.
First, choose any one-syllable profanity. The short ones tend to be punchiest and most visceral anyway.
Then take any mundane single-word trochee--a two-syllable word with a stressed first syllable and unstressed second syllable--whose first syllable shares a vowel sound with the profanity.
Et voila! You have a metrically ideal nonsense phrase that people will involuntarily try to picture, disgusting them, delighting you (assuming you're as big a child as I am), and getting you thrown out of restaurants.
Turd burglar.
Ass badger.
Shit brisket.
Fuck nugget.
Twat nozzle.
"Goddamn asshole!" may have long since lost its punch, but I guarantee "son of a cunt smuggler!" will have, if nothing else, the shine of novelty.
The system hasn't failed me yet.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Drill Sergeant Daily had mastered that skill as of 1980, and I'm pretty sure he was operating off of notes his great-great-great-grandfather had written up from a lecture given by Baron von Steuban...
ReplyDeleteHeh. I'll have to see if Google Books has a facsimile of his Revolutionary War Profanity Manual.
ReplyDeleteHoward Tayler has come up with one of the best, IMHO, with "Crap on a Crutch!"
ReplyDeleteI actually laughed out loud at "ass badger".
ReplyDelete