Thursday, September 23, 2010

The Trick of Blood and Iron

So my friend Dan works in IT. He just sent me a message asking to borrow my Ubuntu manual and boot disk, so I asked the obvious question: was he planning to join the dark side? He assured me the situation was more complicated:

Actually, looking to deal with a virus problem at work. There's a trojan that we can't get rid of, and it spreads via flash drives and external hard drives, many of which have fairly important information on them, so I can't just killdisk them an call it a day. Hence, Ubuntu. This is a windows virus, so if i set up a VM on my test laptop running Linux, I should be able to get rid of the viruses without exposing the network to any additional risk.

As an English major, naturally I was able to help:

Oh, boy, I can't tell you how many times I've been there. What's worked for me more times than not is to mix up some gunpowder into dark rum, and pour in the running blood of a freshly killed chicken while asking Papa Legba to have his loa, Maitre Carrefour, keep the juju from a-movin' anywhere but into a poppet made up from duct tape and ethernet cables. Once you got it all trapped up in the poppet, hang it from a pair of crossed sticks over a doorway with a nail through it, and it won't be comin' back unless you go and say its name on a full moon.

I don't think he'll take me up on it, though:

...I think we may be discussing different issues, but I'm not certain. We follow an ITIL model, but there are other industry standards out there, so I can't rightly say.

Tech snobs.

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